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Ni slabo izkusiti slabo

Na neki točki življenja sem mislila, da me bo pobralo. Vsako minuto dneva sem na svojih prsih nosila težo, ki je bila pretežka za štirinajstletno dekle.

Ne vem, kaj bi bilo z mano, če mi ne bi takrat prišla v roke knjiga Paulo Coelha Alkimist. Goltala sem jo kot Biblijo. Jo včasih v joku stiskala k sebi, da sem lahko zaspala. Si v mislih ponavljala citate kot mantro. Vse se zgodi z razlogom. Vse se zgodi z razlogom. Vse se zgodi z razlogom.

Minevala so leta, in teža je bila še vedno tam, moji najbližji še vedno v stiski, jaz še vedno v krizi, ki ji nisem bila kos. Še vedno se čudim, da me ni pobralo. Nato je prišel dan, ko je bolelo manj, ko me je žrlo manj, ko so bili moji najdražji boljše, jaz večkrat nasmejana in sproščena. Z manjšo težo na prsih. Nato je prišel dan, ko sem bila po vseh vojnah, po vseh notranjih bojih, po vseh strašljivih mislih … preprosto srečna. Bolj srečna kot kdaj koli prej. In tudi moji najdražji so bili bolj srečni kot kdaj koli prej. Vsi smo si na novo zgradili temelje in šele takrat zares vzcveteli.

Veliko bolj sem začela ceniti življenje. Veliko bolj sem cenila dneve brez bremena na prsih. Bila sem veliko močnejša, znala sem preživeti. Veliko manj stvari me je zares iztirilo. Kajti vedela sem, da se lahko, če v življenju vztrajaš in vzdržiš in iščeš rešitve, izkoplješ iz česar koli. Postala sem nepoboljšljiv optimist. Kajti izkusila sem, da se iz vsega slabega na koncu izcimi nekaj dobrega, nekaj, kar morda ne bi dobilo priložnosti, če se ne bi zgodilo tisto slabo.

Ker tisti, ki ne izkusi ničesar slabega, ne more resnično ceniti trenutka sreče, ki jo ima. Ker še ni izkusil, da jo že naslednji trenutek lahko izgubi. Ko pa se enkrat znajdemo globoko pod povprečjem sreče in se prebijemo čez, splezamo znova na vrh, začnemo šele zares živeti polno življenje. Tukaj in zdaj. In smo sposobni občutiti nadpovprečno srečo v majhnih stvareh.

Zdaj sem že leta in leta prepričana, da so vse poti prave in se zgodijo z razlogom. Ko se mi zgodi ali dogaja slabo, v nekem kotičku sebe začnem iskati dobro, ki prihaja in se ga veseliti. Izguba službe prinese nove priložnosti, bolezen priložnost za osebno rast, razhod s partnerjem pravega človeka, ki šele prihaja, kriza s partnerjem priložnost za nove temelje, za boljšo zvezo. Enako razmišljam, ko se zgodijo majhne slabe stvari. Čakam, kaj bodo prinesle s seboj. Včasih se še v istem dnevu, kdaj celo v trenutku zgodi kaj prijetnega, kar se sicer ne bi zgodilo. In me osreči. In postanem hvaležna za slabo. In je takoj lažje.

Vesna V. Godina je nekoč modro dejala, naj nikar ne poskušamo otroke neprestano osrečevati. Kajti, kako bodo preživeli, vztrajali, vzdržali in se pobrali, ko jim bo šlo v življenju kaj narobe? In v življenju gre lahko marsikaj narobe.

Ni slabo izkusiti slabo. Ker se le tako znamo znova in znova in znova pobrati. Ker znamo vedno na novo začeti.

Najbrž veste, kaj se je zgodilo v Alkimistu. Glavni lik je po dolgi in težki poti iskal zaklad in naposled na drugem koncu sveta izvedel, da je bil zaklad ves čas pod drevesom na njegovem vrtu. A če ne bi prehodil te mučne poti, ne bi nikoli izvedel, kje se zaklad nahaja.

Nekatere poti enostavno moramo prehoditi.

Zapis je objavljen na www.zenska.si.

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